Struggling with body image is a common experience. Body image concerns can escalate when others make body-related comments, especially from friends and family. Sadly, diet culture promotes these conversations, which can be extremely harmful if you struggle with an eating disorder or body image distress.
By: Cait Berosh
While body comments have become socially accepted, you never deserve to have others comment on your body. It is always acceptable for you to be your own advocate in these situations.
The holiday season is often filled with gatherings alongside friends and family, and it can be helpful to be prepared for body-related comments. Responding to body comments can be anxiety-inducing and stressful. It may not be possible in all situations, but preparation can make these responses less difficult. By making a plan for your reply, you will likely be able to regulate your emotions more easily in the face of body talk. Below are some ways to help prepare yourself for responding to body comments made by your loved ones. Do what feels authentic to you, and remember your body is beautiful for what it does, not what it looks like.
Set Boundaries in Advance
Before going into situations where friends and family may make body comments, try to discuss your boundaries with them, and explain that it is not okay to comment on anyone’s body, especially yours. It may be helpful to clarify how body-related comments make you feel and their impact on your body image. Often, diet culture is so entrenched in people’s lives that they don’t realize the harmful effects of body comments. By explaining your boundaries, you are not placing blame; you are making a safe space for yourself and others. These challenging but meaningful candid conversations will strengthen your relationship with your loved ones and reduce stress and anxiety.
Practice Coping Strategies to Prepare
Taking time to practice self-care and center yourself can help reduce the impact of comments made at holiday events. Coping ahead of potentially tense situations will help to center and grow your confidence. Some proactive coping ideas are practicing gratitude for yourself or your body, journaling, meditating, being in nature, spending time with your pets, talking with a support person, or doing something else that brings you joy. Caring for yourself is an important way to show up for yourself before, during, and after a stressful situation.
Think Through How You Want to Respond
If you are anticipating your friends or family may make comments about your body, it can be helpful to plan your response ahead of time. Preparation will help to manage any intense feelings you have when those comments are made, allowing you to respond with intention. Below are some options for ways you could choose to reply to body comments. Feel free to select and modify any of the options below to ensure your response feels authentic.
Silence
Not responding and holding silence for a few seconds can be a potent tool. Likely, your loved ones will understand your feelings on their comments through this time of likely uncomfortable silence.
Ignore
Similarly to silence, you can choose not to engage with the comment and immediately change the conversation. If a body comment is made, pivot the conversation to a new, unrelated topic.
Small, But Firm Statement
Find a small, firm statement that feels genuine to you, such as “I will not tolerate comments about my body.” After using your statement, you can change the topic or leave the conversation entirely, depending on what feels best for you.
Humor
Sometimes, responding to comments with a bit of humor can feel more authentic. If this is your style, utilize a funny comeback or remark to show your disapproval of the comment before pivoting the conversation.
Call Out, Call In
Calling someone out for their comment and then asking if you can explain why their comment was hurtful (AKA calling in) can be a powerful tool to help educate our loved ones on the impacts of body comments. This response could sound like, “It is extremely harmful when you comment on my body. I’m happy to share more about why this is hurtful and how body comments affect me if you are open to listening.”
Leave the Space
Lastly, leaving a space that isn’t serving you is okay. Find a reason to leave the conversation or walk away.
While the holidays are supposed to be a time of togetherness, tradition, and merriment, it can feel stressful and isolating for those with an eating disorder. Let BALANCE help you navigate the holidays and set the stage for lasting recovery. Our two-week winter intensive program can help you jump-start your recovery. Our exclusive winter eating disorder treatment program fits conveniently within your winter break schedule, allowing you to invest in transformative care. Connect with our admissions team and learn more about our two-week winter intensive program here.
This post was written by BALANCE Social Work Intern, Cait Berosh (she/her).
Cait is currently finishing her Master of Social Work at Columbia University and holds a B.S. in Nutrition from the University of Tennessee. Cait is passionate about helping individuals find their confidence and self-esteem to create a healthy relationship with their body, themselves, and others. Specifically, she aims to fight against diet culture and create spaces that are rooted in authenticity and community. Cait’s main goal in her work is to help others feel supported, seen, and validated in their experiences. After graduating this May, she plans to work with adolescent and young adult women, specifically concerning eating disorders, body image, life transitions, and self-esteem. Cait is excited to learn from the incredible team at BALANCE and support clients on their recovery journeys this year.
References
Morin, A., & Ingalls, N. (2021, December 22). For Americans with negative body image, the comment can make it even worse. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/body-image-and-commenting-on-appearance-5213891
Ross, R. J. (2021, August 04). Don’t call people out — call them in [Video]. TED. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xw_720iQDss
Tawwab, N. G. (2021). Set boundaries, find peace: A guide to reclaiming yourself. Penguin Publishing Group.
