Dealing with unhelpful comments about food can be challenging, especially during recovery and holidays. What you choose, when you decide to eat, and how much you eat is nobody’s business but yours and your support team’s. Thankfully, you can prepare to respond to comments and cope with the feelings they bring up.
By: A BALANCE team member
Here are some suggestions to help you care for yourself and protect your recovery over the holidays when someone makes uninvited food comments.
Intentionally Check Out
If you don’t have the energy to address a comment or know that doing so would create a worse situation, you can disregard the comment by checking out of the conversation. For some, this is the best way to handle comments, especially when spending an extended period with family.
Change the Subject
Like disregarding a comment, you can disengage with what was said by changing the subject. Changing the subject is helpful when the initial statement has kicked off a full-on discussion. When this happens, you might need something fun to shift people to a new topic (for example, something amusing that your pet did the other day). And don’t be hard on yourself if it’s not the most natural topic change. This is about taking care of yourself in the moment.
Take Yourself Out of the Situation
Taking yourself out of a situation means physically leaving, whether going to another room, stepping outside, or finding some privacy. This tactic is helpful when you feel overwhelmed by the feelings that arise after someone has said something unhelpful; it allows you to pause, check in with yourself, and figure out what you need.
Express Yourself
Speaking up in response to an unhelpful or inaccurate food comment can feel empowering. This could be a simple statement sharing your perspective. For instance, if someone says that a piece of pie is “dangerous,” you could say, “I don’t believe that any food is dangerous.” It’s best to do this when you know it’s safe and would not put you at risk for further stress. If you want, you can choose to help the person understand why a comment is unhelpful. This approach can require more energy and vulnerability, so be careful when using it. If you are on the fence about speaking up, pause and remember that you’re not responsible for what other people think and say. You can also always bring it up later after thinking about how you’d like to address it.
It’s good to have coping mechanisms to ground yourself in case an unhelpful comment brings up emotions for you. Here are some ideas for kindly catching yourself when feelings come up.
- Try this 5-finger breathing exercise.
- Listen to a pre-picked supportive podcast (like an episode of Maintenance Phase or a relaxing song.
- Text or call a friend.
- Spend time with a pet to help you regulate and regain your center.
- Reach out to your support team or come to BALANCE’s next Free Virtual Support Group.
A crucial part of responding to unhelpful comments about food is deciding which response is best in a given situation. But remember, if you answer one way and wish you had taken a different approach, that’s okay! Like many things in recovery, learning how to respond to comments is a process; it does not need to be perfect. Over time and with experience, deciding when and how to respond to comments will become more natural and less scary.
While the holidays are supposed to be a time of togetherness, tradition, and merriment, it can feel stressful and isolating for those with an eating disorder. Let BALANCE help you navigate the holidays and set the stage for lasting recovery. Our two-week winter intensive program can help you jump-start your recovery. Our exclusive winter eating disorder treatment program fits conveniently within your winter break schedule, allowing you to invest in transformative care. Connect with our admissions team and learn more about our 12-day winter intensive program here.
Looking for eating disorder treatment programs or services in the New York City area? Learn more about our options at BALANCE eating disorder treatment center™ here or contact us here.
