Love is different for each of us, and people can celebrate love in all forms. However, love can feel inaccessible and isolating if you or someone you care about struggles with food and body distress. So it is essential to communicate affection in a way that promotes and supports lasting recovery.
By: Alexandra Carter
Everyone expresses love differently. It is vital to express feelings genuinely and honor how your loved one chooses to express theirs. When experiencing food and body distress, it is crucial to respect and support how someone prefers to give and get affection. But how do we identify helpful ways to express love and care to our loved ones in recovery?
The Five Love Languages
Before we focus on recovery-aligned love, it’s essential to understand the original idea of love languages. This idea comes from Dr. Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages. In his book, he suggests that people use five unique communication styles to express love. Although most people can relate to all five, each of us prioritizes these love “languages” differently. You can better communicate and build your relationship by understanding which love “languages” you prefer and those your loved one identifies with.
The five categories of love languages that Dr. Chapman identifies are
- Word of Affirmation or verbal acknowledgments of affection.
- Quality time or time spent together with undivided attention.
- Acts of Service or when a loved one goes out of their way to make your life easier.
- Gifts or visual symbols of love.
- Physical Touch or physical signs of affection.
While the original intent of the five love languages was to enhance romantic relationships, people have adapted them to support communication in all sorts of relationships. Below you will find Dr. Chapman’s 5 Love Languages adapted to prioritize recovery for yourself or your loved one struggling with food and body stress.
Five Recovery [Love] Languages
Here are five approaches for expressing love and support to yourself or a loved one in recovery using the 5 Love Languages.
Words of Affirmation
Sometimes, it can be overwhelming to figure out how to support someone recovering from an eating disorder. Offer yourself or your loved one words of encouragement and hope. Use genuine and sincere statements to communicate your support. Remember to stay away from body or food-focused statements. These can have the opposite effect and can be harmful or triggering. Using the Words of Affirmation Love Language to express your support is a simple way to tell your loved one that you see the work they are doing and are there to support them.
Some Words of Affirmation you can try are
- I am so proud of you.
- Keep up the excellent work.
- I love you, just as you are.
Quality Time
When someone is recovering from an eating disorder, it can feel like an all-encompassing journey. Use the Quality Time Love Language to remind them that there is life beyond their eating disorder, and you are there to share it with them. Give yourself or your loved ones some time with undivided attention. Make the time you spend together meaningful, and strive to be as present as possible. Remember to avoid activities centered around food or clothes to ensure everyone is comfortable.
Some Quality Time examples include
- Actively listening when you ask how they are doing.
- Doing a unique activity together, like an art project.
- Take a walk together.
Gifts
Some people prefer to give gifts to show they care. Gift Giving can be a powerful way to show someone in recovery that you are thinking of them and supporting them. When giving gifts, remember it’s not about the expense. Instead, make sure the gift you are offering is thoughtful and heartfelt. As mentioned with the other Love Languages, avoid food or body-related gifts, such as snacks or clothes. These can cause anxiety and distress to someone in recovery.
Some Gift options include
- A set of paints and canvases.
- An inspiring book or something from their favorite genre.
- A playlist of your favorite empowering music.
Acts of Service
The Acts of Service Love Language is all about doing something to make your loved one’s life easier. Think of this as “actions speak louder than words.” Show yourself or your loved one how much you care. Recovering from an eating disorder takes a lot of hard work and dedication. Small acts of kindness can make life and recovery a bit easier along the way.
Some Acts of Service you can try are
- Helping with the dishes or cleaning.
- Planning an afternoon in town.
- Taking care of their laundry for the week.
Physical Touch
Physical Touch is all about the physical connection. While this Love Language can be considered romantic, it can also be used to support someone in recovery. With consent, a simple human connection can provide comfort and security. You must check with your loved one about their comfort level regarding physical touch. Respecting others’ boundaries is the best way to approach this recovery love language.
Some ways to express Physical Touch include
- A hug or a hand squeeze.
- A high five or a pat on the back.
- Offering a shoulder to lean on.
When supporting yourself or your loved ones through recovery, ensure that you honor everyone’s needs and desires as best as possible. Connecting through preferred recovery love languages can help your support go a long way. The best way to do this is to talk with your loved one. Don’t be afraid to ask them what styles of affection-giving are the most meaningful to them. This way, you can communicate your love and support in a way that promotes lasting recovery for yourself and your loved ones.
At BALANCE eating disorder treatment center™, our compassionate, highly skilled team of clinicians is trained in diagnosing and treating the spectrum of eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, compulsive overeating, and other disordered eating and body image issues. In addition to our full-time Day Treatment Program and Weeknight Intensive Outpatient Program, we offer high-quality programming, nutrition counseling with a licensed dietitian, meal support, and various other groups and resources to help those seeking help for food concerns.
Our admissions team would be happy to answer any questions you may have about our programs and services. Book a free consultation call with our admissions team below, or read more about our philosophy here.
This post was written by Intuitive Eating | HAES Content Creator, Alexandra Carter (she/her).
Alexandra Carter is a professional actor, turned certified Intuitive Eating Counselor and Health and Wellbeing Coach, turned Content Creator. After moving to NYC for her undergraduate degree in Musical Theater, Alexandra spent 10 years working all over the world as an actor/singer/dancer. Through her own healing journey, Alexandra found her way to the anti-diet space and went on to gain coaching and counseling certifications, in addition to starting her own coaching business. It was there she fell in love with content creation as a way of sharing ideas, genuinely connecting with people, and affecting powerful change. Alexandra is thrilled to be on the team at BALANCE, combining all her skills and passions to foster authentic healing.
References
Ekern, B. (2020, September 21). How to manage an eating disorder during Super Bowl party season. Eating Disorder Hope. Retrieved January 27, 2023, from https://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/blog/manage-eating-disorder-during-super-bowl-party-season
Mona, B. (2022, November 4). Insight on how to celebrate holidays through disordered eating recovery. Healthline. Retrieved January 27, 2023, from https://www.healthline.com/health/gift-guide-holiday-celebrations-through-disordered-eating-recovery#How-to-cope-with-an-ED-during-the-holidays
Petrova, A. (2023, January 10). The 10 most popular sports in the USA. The Sporting Blog. Retrieved January 27, 2023, from https://thesporting.blog/blog/the-10-most-popular-sports-in-the-us
