Grief is a common emotion in eating disorder recovery. It may come from the events that lead up to your eating disorder diagnosis, or it may come up while you are receiving treatment and mourning the loss of your eating disorder as a coping mechanism.
By: Dawn Lundin
Grief may present itself after you’ve reached a stable place in your recovery and you reflect on all that has happened in your healing process. Since August 30th is National Grief Awareness Day, here is some insight into how grief and your eating disorder may be related.
What Is Grief?
Grief is defined as deep and poignant distress caused by bereavement or suffering. When we think of grief, we usually think about losing a friend, family member, or loved one. But we often don’t recognize that grief can be triggered by an extreme change in one’s lifestyle.
You may be surprised to realize that developing and treating an eating disorder qualifies as a drastic change in one’s lifestyle. While grief is an intricate part of recovery from an eating disorder, there are different methods you can use to move through this period and stay recovery-focused.
Forgiveness and Grief
Forgiveness is an essential component of working through grief. It allows us to move away from our thoughts, feelings, or events of the past to focus on our present and future. In eating disorder recovery, this might look like forgiving yourself for the time, energy, relationships, or money lost to your eating disorder. Forgiving yourself can help you come to a place of closure in your healing journey, and thus move you through the grieving process.
Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy (RO DBT) is an evidence-based approach for treating various disorders, including eating disorders. RO DBT’s unique approach to treatment focuses on social behaviors while asking you to look inward and practice self-discovery. Grief work is a meaningful way to let go of painful experiences. By working through grief, you teach your brain that past memories are not your present experience. This distinction allows you to feel the loss and let it go. Then, your brain adjusts to this change in circumstance and no longer searches for the lost circumstance or feeling, allowing you to move forward.
Flexible Mind Has HEART
RO-DBT uses the exercise “Flexible Mind Has HEART” to practice forgiveness. Practicing forgiveness is an excellent segue into grief work. You can practice forgiveness by following the steps in this exercise:
H: Identify the past HURT, grievance, or injury you are holding on to.
This could include eating disorder thoughts, images of your past self, or feelings about your body. This hurt could also present as frustration over developing an eating disorder in the first place or wishing that time at an eating disorder treatment facility had gone differently.
E: Locate your EDGE that’s keeping you stuck in the past.
Your edge can feel like tension or resistance, embarrassment, the desire to avoid, or numbness. This can be anything preventing you from acknowledging the grief of letting go of your eating disorder head-on. Your edge is significant because it is where self-growth occurs. Take a few minutes to observe urges to explain or justify your actions related to your eating disorder.
A: ACKNOWLEDGE that forgiveness is a choice.
In order to forgive yourself and move through the grieving process, you must acknowledge this step in the process. Take a moment to mentally acknowledge wherever you are in your grief and reflect on the steps you have taken to grieve the loss of your eating disorder. No matter how difficult or uncomfortable it may feel to acknowledge the loss of your eating disorder as a coping mechanism, recovery is worth it.
R: RECLAIM your life by grieving your loss and practicing forgiveness.
The first step is to grieve the loss of our expectations and beliefs about the world, ourselves, or other people. This could include your beliefs about body size. It could also mean grieving the expectation that your body will never change. Allow yourself to feel sad or disappointed for a time, and then gradually let go. Allowing yourself to feel these emotions will help you move through the grieving process. Grief work clears old ways of thinking and allows us to be more open about what’s happening now.
T: Practice THANKFULNESS and then pass it on.
Practice being thankful for where you are now in your recovery journey. Developing a gratitude practice can help put your healing journey into perspective and help you see how far you have come through hard work. Once you have taken a few moments to soak up this thankfulness, pass it on to anyone who has helped you in your recovery from an eating disorder. You can extend gratitude to your friends, family, loved ones, or treatment team during this part of the exercise
You do not have to feel stuck in your grief. Harnessing the tools and support to work through grief will allow you to remain present and focus on the here and now without being stuck in the past. In eating disorder recovery, working through grief and fully grieving your eating disorder will pave the way for the future of your recovery.
If you are looking for more support in your recovery journey, our admissions team would be happy to answer any questions you may have about our programs and services. Book a free consultation call with our admissions team below, or read more about our philosophy here.
References
Grief. Merriam Webster Dictionary. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/grief. Accessed August 3, 2023.
Lynch, TR. Chapter 10: Treatment Targeting and Intervention: Prioritizing Social Signaling. Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy. New Harbor Publications, 2018.
Lynch, TR. The Skills Training Manual for Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy. New Harbor Publications, 2018.
National Grief Awareness Day. National Day Calendar.
https://nationaldaycalendar.com/national-grief-awareness-day-august-30/. Accessed August 3, 2023.
Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Kayla Jessop Nutrition.
https://www.kaylajessopnutrition.com/rodbt. Accessed August 4, 2023.
This post was written by BALANCE Blog Contributor, Dawn Lundin (she/her).
Dawn Lundin, MS, RD is a registered dietitian and owner of Restore Ease Dietetics which is a virtual nutrition private practice that focuses on mental health + sports nutrition. She primarily with adolescents and young adults with eating disorders. She believes in meeting clients where they are at which provides a unique client-focused approach to recovery. She lives in Marquette, Michigan with her husband and three sons. As a family, they love to travel and spend time outdoors. She also enjoys mountain biking, running, cross-country skiing, being on or in the water, and knitting.
