An Ode To My Body
Eating disorders are complex mental health conditions that can manifest in many ways, and everyone’s experience with them is unique. Talking about our experiences can help reduce mental health stigma and create more opportunities for people to seek support.
By sharing our stories, we can inspire others to seek help and remind them that they are not alone. Furthermore, discussing our experiences can help increase awareness and promote a better understanding. Encouraging open and honest conversations about mental health and eating disorders is essential to foster a more supportive and empathetic community.
Below is one person’s experience of an eating disorder that the team at BALANCE hopes will help you to feel seen and validated, whether or not it reflects your unique experience. If you or someone you love is struggling with an eating disorder, you deserve to be heard and get support.
An Ode to My Body
Oh, my heart, how I thank you for relentlessly beating to keep me alive.
Thank you for pulsing each second I breathe, even though I have pushed you beyond limits.
I have overworked you and have asked you to give while I took.
Thank you for your beats; thank you for keeping me alive through this war between my brain and body.
I feel you moving energy and love, and I hope to one day authentically give back to you.
To my stomach, I thank you for nourishing me and providing my body with energy.
I am so sorry I feel so much disgust for you because you never looked like I wanted you to. Because you never did what I tried hating you into.
I thank you for holding and protecting such vital organs.
I thank you for the mindful abdominal breath that activates the calming and resting response within my body.
You may have wrinkles, folds, rolls, freckles, sagging, and the like, but that is more than okay.
To my legs, I thank you for each step I take throughout this journey of life.
Thank you for helping me carry myself and live out my soul’s purpose.
I have demanded so much from you, from wanting you to look slim and gaping to muscled and toned.
You stayed with me from the endless long runs, gym sessions, biking trails, and the like.
I have tried hating you into change, yet you continued to carry me and give me the ability to move regardless.
You may not be free of stretch marks, cellulite, and muscles, but I thank you for showing up for me.
To my eyes, ears, and nose, I thank you for letting me experience the world.
Through you, I can see, hear, smell, and taste.
Through you, I can embrace and authentically feel how it is to be a living human.
Through you, I get to experience the world regardless of my body size.
I can appreciate what my life has to offer me and make memories.
To my brain, I see you and all your complexity.
Although you can be my greatest enemy, I thank you.
I thank you for the part of you that fights my eating disorder.
Thank you for being an asset to healing and recovery when I put you to good use.
I know you are used for evil and harshness, but you can be used for goodness and love.
I hope to use you for good, brain, because you serve as a connection to tie myself together mind, body, and soul holistically.
Oh, my brain, do not be my enemy; instead, aid me in my reason for living.
Dear body, I thank you for showing up for me this day.
You are a gift, a vessel, and the least interesting thing about me.
Each system you are made up of is specifically and intrinsically woven to work to keep me alive.
I am so sorry for waking up each day to look in the mirror and put you down for not looking “good enough,” “small enough,” or “perfect enough.”
Dear body, I thank you for carrying me through my life’s journey.
I thank you for allowing me to reach the destinations of my soul.
There will be a time when we are not at war.
And I am living and healing for just that.
At BALANCE eating disorder treatment center™, our compassionate, highly skilled team of clinicians is trained in diagnosing and treating the spectrum of eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, and other disordered eating and body image issues. In addition to our full-time Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP) and Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP), we offer nutrition counseling with a licensed dietitian, meal support and outpatient groups to assist those seeking help for food concerns.
This post was written by BALANCE Blog Contributor, Tori Barkosky (she/her).
Tori is a recent graduate of St. Catherine University, having earned a B.A. in Psychology and a minor in Nutrition Science. Tori is passionate about all things related to intuitive eating, HAES, mental health, body respect, eating disorders, and disordered eating. She also geeks out on neuroscience and loves studying the brain and its anatomy. Tori currently works as a Mental Health Practitioner at an eating disorder clinic. Outside work, she enjoys practicing yoga, exploring nature, and drinking coffee.
