Going back to school with an eating disorder is daunting for students in recovery. For parents of these students, sending your child back to school can be just as nerve-wracking. Academic and social environments may not be conducive to recovery, and the urge to protect them from triggers can feel overwhelming.
By: Samreen Khan
However, this concern can quickly create tensions within the relationship between you and your child. Learning how to channel these anxieties into constructive care for your child can help support them through their recovery.
Here are four tips to help you support your child as they return to school:
Be Aware of the Pressures They Face in School
Many students get told their lives are not “difficult enough” to struggle with their mental health, which invalidates their feelings and experiences. As an adult, your life is undoubtedly busy and stressful, especially if you are worried about your children’s health. Your kids’ lives are also stressful, just in a different way. Children and teenagers are less emotionally experienced in handling hardships and productively communicating their feelings. In addition, many students with eating disorders struggle with perfectionistic tendencies. Academics, sports, and clubs are just some things that might bring stress into your child’s life. Awareness of the various factors contributing to their struggles can help you be more compassionate towards your child. Provide support if you notice them becoming overwhelmed.
Help Them Prepare for Unavoidable Triggers
Eating in public is often unavoidable in a school setting. Your child will likely feel uncomfortable eating around their peers. This can be for various reasons – perhaps they were away from school while in treatment, and they want to avoid intrusive questions, or maybe they feel insecure about the amount of food they eat in recovery compared to the amount they ate before. They may be worried about their peers commenting unnecessarily on their food choices. But avoiding this uncomfortable experience will not help them recover– your child must face these triggers to overcome them. Help them go at their own pace with support and compassion. Suppose they feel wary about eating around large groups of people. In that case, many schools offer areas in counselor’s offices where they can eat instead. If they have club meetings during lunch, those can provide a way to eat while those around them are preoccupied. You can also help them develop effective ways to steer the conversation away from uncomfortable topics that may arise when they eat.
Make Sure to Establish Trust in Your Relationship Continuously
It is only natural to worry as a parent, and it can be challenging to express that concern in a supportive way. As a result, concerns can often come across as judgemental or condescending to your child. In turn, this may cause them to become defensive and believe that you do not trust them. When you express your concerns to your child, use “I” statements to describe what you have noticed instead of accusing them of partaking in disordered behaviors. For example, instead of asking, “Have you been eating lunch at school?” Say, “I’ve been missing you during lunchtime. How have you been adjusting to eating at school?” Remind them of the victories they have made in their recovery and that you are proud of how far they have come. Positive reinforcement shows your child that their mistakes (which are magnified in their minds) are not the only things you see. Knowing that their parent is rooting for their successes can mean the world to a student in recovery.
Spend Quality Time Together
The best way to understand a child’s feelings is to spend quality time with them. Recovery is a difficult journey to make alone. Your child’s eating disorder may have strained your relationship with them, but you can take steps to rebuild it. Your child will not confide in you unless they feel close enough to you to discuss their feelings. And, honestly, no one wants to talk about their eating disorder all the time. Recovery is about learning to live one’s life fully again. So show your child what that could be like by participating in activities they may enjoy. Spend time with them and get to know them beyond their eating disorder. By making space for them to be more, you are also making the space for them to come to you when they do want to take about their disorder.
At BALANCE eating disorder treatment center™ our compassionate, highly skilled team of clinicians is trained in diagnosing and treating the spectrum of eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, compulsive overeating, and other disordered eating behaviors and body image issues. BALANCE offers a bi-monthly free virtual support group that is open to individuals seeking help and to family and loved ones. The group provides a supportive forum within which members can explore issues including ambivalence about engaging in treatment, recovery, resources, and treatment options and knowing when and how to take the next steps towards making change. RSVP for our next group on Saturday, October 8th, at 11:00 am EST here.
Our admissions team would be happy to answer any questions you may have about our programs and services. Book a free consultation call with our admissions team below, or read more about our philosophy here.
Looking for eating disorder treatment programs or services in the New York City area? Learn more about our options at BALANCE eating disorder treatment center™ here or contact us here.
This post was written by BALANCE Blog Contributor, Samreen Khan (she/her/he/him).
Samreen is a senior high school student with an ardent drive to de-stigmatize mental illness and eating disorders. Born and raised in the Bay Area, she experienced the harmful effects of “fitspo” culture firsthand for most of her childhood. Throughout her own recovery journey, she became passionate about deconstructing diet culture and raising awareness about eating disorders in her everyday life. Samreen began extending her own ideology of intuitive eating and body neutrality to others by publishing her own writing online when she was fourteen, and has since received several awards for her prose and poetry. She has conducted research on the biological and evolutionary implications of familial mental illness, and is currently taking college-level Sociology and Psychology courses with hopes to delve further into the social and cultural constructs that bolster disordered eating, especially within marginalized communities. She’s grateful for the opportunity to combine two of her strongest passions — writing and mental health — by working with BALANCE!
