Watching a loved one suffer from an eating disorder is far from easy. If you have never had an eating disorder, it can be challenging to understand what they are going through. That does not make it less distressing. You may feel unsure about how to support your loved ones in eating disorder recovery. Eating disorders vary from person to person, which is why it’s so important to be patient with loved ones in recovery and take the time to understand what they’re going through.
By: Samreen Khan
You may have heard various things about eating disorders, but there’s a good chance that a lot of it has been misinformation. To best support a loved one with recovery, you must first educate yourself about eating disorders and reconstruct how you view eating disorders. It may be tempting to ask your friend to explain it to you, but for many individuals in recovery, having to clarify misconceptions about eating disorders to others over and over can be extremely tiring. Researching eating disorders on your own to help better your understanding of what your loved one may be going through is a solid first step. It can help remove any false preconceived notions of what an eating disorder is and help differentiate myth from reality.
However, one of the most important things to understand is that everyone experiences their eating disorder differently. The first step can be knowing the right questions to ask. Communication is essential, so instead of asking them to explain why they have an eating disorder or what their disordered behaviors are, ask them what kind of support they would appreciate from you. Are there any specific triggers they would like to share with you to support them if triggering situations arise? Let them know that you are available to listen if they want to talk about their experiences, but do not pressure them into explaining their experience.
When supporting a loved one in recovery, the goal is to encourage them, not pressure them. For example, if you are at a social event and notice that a loved one is apprehensive about the food, do not call them out in front of everyone else. Putting them on the spot can be severely anxiety-inducing and embarrassing. Privately asking them if they are having a good time or are doing okay can be a much more promising alternative to calling attention to them in public. Social situations involving food can be very stressful for people with eating disorders, so if your loved one seems to be avoiding social events, do not pressure them into going places if they are uncomfortable. Take small steps by encouraging them to spend time with you or others they feel secure around. Even if you expect them to say no to an invitation, ask them if they want to go anyway – eating disorders can be incredibly isolating. The knowledge that people enjoy having them around may eventually encourage them to become more comfortable going out.
Pursuing a healthier relationship with your body and your diet can also subtly encourage loved ones in eating disorder recovery. Try not to express negative sentiments surrounding your body or diet; this creates an uplifting environment for you and your loved one. And while compliments generally foster an uplifting environment, avoid commenting on their body or food, even if the comment seems positive. Eating disorders create a heightened awareness of food and the body, and recovery is about learning to separate one’s worth from one’s diet and appearance. Even comments like, “You look so healthy!” can be triggering. Instead of focusing on how they look, shift the compliment to other parts of their personality. You could tell them they seem happy or that you enjoy their company. It is exceptionally challenging to recover from an eating disorder in a society that focuses on appearance and actively endorses disordered thoughts and behaviors. Being surrounded by people who deviate from those habits serves as a helpful reminder that having a healthy relationship with food is possible.
It can be upsetting to watch a loved one suffer from an eating disorder. Eating disorders are complex and debilitating illnesses, and it takes an immense amount of strength to commit to recovery. Healing is rarely linear, so do not shame your loved ones if they begin to fall back into old habits. Be patient with them. And be sure to check in with yourself as well – remember, you are not trying to fix your loved one’s eating disorder. Their recovery is their journey, and you are simply doing your best to support them through it.
If you or a loved one are struggling with an eating disorder during this holiday season, we are here to help. At BALANCE eating disorder treatment center™, our compassionate, highly skilled team of clinicians is trained in diagnosing and treating the spectrum of eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, compulsive overeating, and other disordered eating behaviors and body image issues.
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Looking for eating disorder treatment programs or services in the New York City area? Learn more about our options at BALANCE eating disorder treatment center™ here or contact us here.
This post was written by BALANCE Blog Contributor, Samreen Khan (she/her/he/him).
Samreen is a senior high school student with an ardent drive to de-stigmatize mental illness and eating disorders. Born and raised in the Bay Area, she experienced the harmful effects of “fitspo” culture firsthand for most of her childhood. Throughout her own recovery journey, she became passionate about deconstructing diet culture and raising awareness about eating disorders in her everyday life. Samreen began extending her own ideology of intuitive eating and body neutrality to others by publishing her own writing online when she was fourteen, and has since received several awards for her prose and poetry. She has conducted research on the biological and evolutionary implications of familial mental illness, and is currently taking college-level Sociology and Psychology courses with hopes to delve further into the social and cultural constructs that bolster disordered eating, especially within marginalized communities. She’s grateful for the opportunity to combine two of her strongest passions — writing and mental health — by working with BALANCE!
