Eating disorders affect 8 million Americans. The likelihood that you have a friend or loved one with an eating disorder, whether you are aware of it or not, is relatively high. It is not easy to watch someone you care about struggle with an illness that is damaging their mental and physical health. While the solution to an eating disorder may appear, at least on the outside, to be simple, eating disorders are much more complex than just unhealthy dietary habits.

by: Amanda Nussbaum

Eating disorders are complex mental illnesses that can result in the development of unhealthy relationships with food, exercise, and body image. An eating disorder may also have a negative impact on a person’s private and professional relationships. Talking to someone with an eating disorder often involves difficult conversations which may result in arguments or denial. However, it can be comforting and reassuring for someone struggling with an eating disorder to know they have a friend who is supportive, wants them to get better, and appreciates them for who they are. Friends are often one of the first people to notice something is wrong. 

There are many warning signs that can lead someone to believe their friend may have an eating disorder. Many people with eating disorders regularly avoid attending social events involving food. Similarly, some students with an eating disorder prefer eating lunch at school alone or they may not eat lunch at all. They may claim they ate before, are not hungry, or will eat later. However, when someone struggling with an eating disorder does happen to eat with their friends, they may appear uncomfortable or anxious about eating in front of others, they may move or play with their food, cut the meal into small pieces, or state that they feel satisfied after eating only a small amount of food. It is important to be mindful and recognize when conversations revolve around weight, food, appearance, or exercise. Avoid these topics of conversation if someone in your friend group is suspected of having an eating disorder.

One may also have suspicions about a friend in situations that do not involve food. Some clues that may suggest that a person may have an eating disorder include frequently observing their friend go to the restroom after eating, noticing their friend engage in regular, obsessive exercise, or the consumption of diet pills. People may also notice that their friend wears baggier clothes more than usual, often seems pale and cold, or has bruises on their body. 

Concerned friends should be the first to initiate a conversation with someone they suspect to have an eating disorder in a quiet and appropriate place. Although a friend may initially feel like they are talking out of turn by voicing their concerns, they are actually showing that they want to help. 

Below are additional ways one can be supportive of a friend with an eating disorder: 

• Learn About Eating Disorders: According to the National Eating Disorders Association, people can learn about eating disorders through articles, social media sites, and books. Education will help friends better understand that eating disorders are not about food, and also make them aware of signs, symptoms, and treatment options. This information will also help people eliminate the stigma around eating disorders. 

• Use Proper Language: People should refrain from using definitive words like “always,” or “never” when talking to their friend. These words may instead encourage those in recovery to want to strive for perfection, which may result in them reverting back to eating disorder behaviors. People should also not discuss numbers, weight, or appearance as these topics could worsen someone’s body image. 

• Focus on Inner Qualities: Instead of paying attention to physical features, one should tell their friend what they are good at and what they like about them. Highlighting these attributes without discussing food, exercise, or weight shows those with an eating disorder that they are liked and appreciated regardless of how they look. 

• Offer to Talk to a Professional With Them: It is important to encourage those suspected of an eating disorder to talk to a medical professional. If they agree but do not know where to start or are scared, a friend can offer to talk to a teacher, school counselor, or parent who can help them take the next step. Friends may also consider going to their own support group to learn about eating disorders and ways to help their friend.  

• Help with Grocery Shopping: The National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders offers a “Grocery Buddies Support Service,” which teaches a support person how to provide accountability and encouragement to someone with an eating disorder by helping them make a shopping list, plan the trip, and select groceries. It can be beneficial for people in college or with roommates to have friends accompany them for grocery shopping, cooking meals, or going to the dining hall together. 

• Be Present: Individuals struggling with an eating disorder may feel more open to talking withfriends if they are asked questions like, “What can I do to help?” or “How are you feeling?” Instead of being judgmental. One should be available, patient, and compassionate with their friend and should talk openly and honestly to show that they are listening and are trustworthy. 

When confronting a friend about their disordered eating or exercising behaviors, those with an eating disorder may become distressed, defensive, ashamed, or deny the observations. This may cause the friend to feel awkward and not want to address the issue in order to avoid confrontation. However, this may cause more harm than good by looking the other way and not saying anything. A person with an eating disorder may be angry at first, but they will understand over time that their friend was looking out for them. When someone cares enough to have hard conversations, this shows the person with an eating disorder that they have someone trustworthy to turn to for support and encouragement. 

At BALANCE eating disorder treatment center™, we offer a Supporting a Loved One Group to provide support and education for family members and support persons of our clients and help them foster a deeper understanding of eating disorders and the recovery process. This group provides an opportunity for parents, spouses, partners, and friends to connect with the loved ones of others struggling with eating disorders, and receive their own support as well as discuss the challenges and successes encountered in the process of their loved one’s recovery. Our Admissions Team would be glad to answer any questions you may have regarding our Supporting A Loved One group. Click the button below to contact us!

Looking for eating disorder treatment programs or services in the New York City area? Learn more about our options at BALANCE eating disorder treatment center here or contact us here.

This post was written by BALANCE Blog Intern, Amanda Nussbaum. 

Amanda is a recent graduate of Ramapo College, where she majored in Business Administration with a concentration in Marketing. She enjoys being creative, writing, and editing videos, and is passionate about health, wellness, and lifestyle. Throughout college, Amanda volunteered with the Girls on the Run organization, which helps young girls develop a positive self-esteem. She also mentored a young girl through Ramapo College’s chapter of Big Brother, Big Sister. Amanda’s involvement in these organizations helped her realize that she wants to work for a company that has an impact on others, while still being creative with marketing. In the future, Amanda hopes to work in the marketing or communications department of an organization that focuses on teenagers and young adults, and their health and self-confidence. She enjoys contributing to the BALANCE blog!