Alex Rudin is a social artist who works to bring awareness to feminist issues including eating disorders. Having personally experienced an eating disorder and body image concerns, Alex openly shares her thoughts and feelings during the process of healing her relationship with food and her body. With her vulnerability, she hopes to give readers the strength and support to help them in their own journey of healing.

In this Q&A, Alex shares the healing power of artwork, particularly during the recovery process.

Who Are You?

My name is Alex Rudin. I am a multimedia artist based in New York City. My artwork narratively focuses on the complexities of the human experience through stylized portraiture and anecdotal commentary. My intent lies in uncovering and expressing the truths of what it is like to be a woman in modern America. I am currently creating work surrounding feminist issues including eating disorders and sexual abuse. In addition, I regularly use my work to speak about political and social justice issues. This past year I have partnered with organizations such as Women for the Win, Article 3 and The Sam & Devorah foundation among many others. My writing and artwork have been featured in USA Today Mag, Grit Daily, Yahoo.com, The Female Lead, and numerous other pubs. I have shown in both solo and group exhibitions in New York, Delaware, and Philadelphia.

What Is Your Art About & Inspired By?

Having personal experience with the paradoxes of what it means to inhabit a female body, my work addresses questions of feminism and patriarchal social constructs. The age of technology has quite literally and figuratively warped our minds into thinking our natural state is glitch; something to be fixed or remedied in order to be accepted. Dysmorphic II highlights the very real threat that our current society poses. We live in a world where physical perfection is the silver bullet for happiness. Rampant increases in BDD and eating disorders are the result. By exploring the correlation between psychological states and expression of the human form, my work attempts to peer into the moment where societal pressure and psychology meet, where expectation and acceptance clash, and where reality and fiction diverge.

What Has Been Your Experience Struggling With Eating Disorders And Body Image?

For much of my life I have struggled with dysmorphia and disordered eating. Having an ED is excruciatingly lonely and isolating. Recovering from a severe eating disorder has been the longest and most difficult process of my life to date. Those who have walked down this road know that recovery is not linear. Eating disorders have no size, no shape, no color, no religion, and no gender. They do not discriminate. This is a battle I fight constantly. The voice inside my head tells me that I will never be good enough in this body of mine. It tells me that no matter what I achieve, if I'm still this weight, it won’t matter. It makes me paranoid. It makes me fearful of socializing. It makes me feel ashamed. Yet, my work says something different. Art has taught me more than any book or article. It has taught me the most valuable lesson of all -- My value has nothing to do with my body.

It often feels as though my outward appearance and internal self are two separate people. I feel that the shame I carry with me on a daily basis infiltrates every aspect of my life, except my artwork. The studio is virtually the only place I feel relieved of my eating disorder. In college, as my ED raged, I was faced with a choice: Was my eating disorder going to “consume” my creative spirit, or would my art work to heal the cutting and critical voices in my head? I knew all too well that these two aspects of myself were either going to destroy each other, or come together to heal one another. I am still on that journey.

What Do You Hope Others Get From Your Art?

In an attempt to translate my thoughts and feelings to the canvas, I found that making the invisible visible was an invaluable tool to help better comprehend my disorder. Being able to do this for myself was not only a learning tool, but also a connection to others with similar issues. The ineffable qualities of consuming art are transcendent. Art allows the viewer to sit in introspection and to question oneself, no matter the discomfort level. I believe the same to be true in overcoming an eating disorder. We must confront to overcome, and we must reflect to progress. Art allows us to tap into the recesses of our minds to expose the complexes at the core of our psyches.

I hope that my artwork inspires others to use creativity as a vehicle to help further one’s own recovery. To me it is all about agency. What choices will you make to silence the voices of your eating disorder? Personally, I leveraged my artistic voice, and trusted that it would lead me down the road of recovery. Whether it be writing, music, or visual arts, using some form of creative expression will open your mind and enable you to access the invisible.

What Does Being Body Positive Mean To You?

Personally, I am more dedicated to the concept of body neutrality, which essentially encourages one to accept the body they are in and focus on its achievements, rather than its appearance. Too often we fall into the societal pull of believing things are black or white. Through the lense of of body positivity, that translates into either hating or loving your body. Body neutrality provides an opportunity for a middle ground and for most critically, acceptance. I have struggled with the body positive movement and unfortunately have never reached a place of love when it comes to how I view my appearance. Within the body positive movement, the pressure to love your body is intense, especially if you struggle with an ED. It often makes me feel inadequate based simply on the fact that I am unable to look at myself with the requisite compassion. It seems like a world where only positivity is acceptable, and that is not the reality of eating disorder recovery. It is not all positive, and it is not easy. The goal of body-neutrality is to dial down the consequences of the significance given to physical attractiveness in our society. The concept of body neutrality pushes back on aspects of society that promote beauty as essential, meaningful, and the ultimate triumph. The idea is to remove one’s worth from their appearance, refocusing on other achievements. Focusing my worth on aspects of myself other than my body has allowed me to see myself as a whole person, not just a shape.

If There Is One Thing You Wish Others Knew About The Pressure To Be Perfect, What Would It Be?

Put simply, perfection does not exist! It is a subjective, unattainable goal that will eat away at your confidence and self-efficacy, especially if you are trying to become somebody else’s version of perfect. Beauty lies in diversity and individualism. What make us special and unique are the imperfect pieces of ourselves. They exist innately, without any modification or treatment to the body. They make us extraordinary. Magnificence is the soul of your ancestors living through you. It is the widow’s peak I inherited from my mother, the thick thighs I got from my grandmother, the artistic talents I received from my grandfather, and the thirst for knowledge I got from my father. Whether these traits are visible or not, they are all pieces of the fabric that made me, and that in itself is beautiful enough.

Looking for eating disorder treatment programs or services in the New York City area? Learn more about our options at BALANCE eating disorder treatment center here or contact us here.

Meet Alex Rudin

Alex Rudin is a viral social artist who works to advocate and bring awareness through her artwork on social media. Ms. Rudin has illustrated moving art work that depicts how difficult it can be to have an eating disorder and how people are putting an obscene amount of pressure on themselves to be beautiful. Having deep experience with the uncomfortable complexities of what it means to inhabit a body, Alex’s work addresses questions of feminism and the pressures to be perfect.

Connect with Alex: Instagram or http://www.alexrudin.com/

Q&A With a Viral Artist Who Is Helping Women Navigate Eating Disorders, Alex Rudin