Finding Self-Compassion in Eating Disorder Treatment
Self-compassion can be a difficult concept to grasp for individuals with eating disorders, particularly during the early stages of recovery when self-critical thoughts, challenging emotions, and disordered behaviors are most prevalent. For those in treatment for an eating disorder, developing skills and techniques that cultivate self-compassion is essential for a successful recovery.
By: Autumn Rauchwerk
Eating Disorders as Coping Mechanisms
For those suffering from an eating disorder or who have someone in their life experiencing an eating disorder, it is important to recognize that the eating disorder is a coping mechanism to help them manage life’s challenges. For many, the eating disorder is a way of managing emotions, holding onto a sense of control, and striving for a sense of safety in a world that feels unsafe. At the same time, eating disorder behaviors are self-harming and hold people back from living fully and authentically. That is why recovery is so important.
In the process of eating disorder recovery, people learn to understand their needs, how the eating disorder was attempting to meet or mask those needs, and find tools to meet their needs while stepping away from self-harming behaviors.
Where Self-Compassion Comes In
Self-compassion can be a key tool in the recovery process. As a dietetic intern, yoga teacher, and meditator living with anxiety and a strong desire to “have it all together,” I have become increasingly interested in mindfulness and its connection to self-worth and self-acceptance. This is how I came to discover the teachings of self-compassion. It’s important to note that self-compassion is distinct from self-esteem. While self-esteem is dependent on external factors (aka “having it all together”, or academic, professional, romantic, creative success), self-compassion is unconditional — it can be cultivated regardless of the life situation someone is in.
Since it’s based on life’s external factors, self-esteem is a measure that can go up and down like a rollercoaster and may, at times, be inaccessible, depending on life’s circumstances (which are often outside of our control). When we focus on self-esteem, it is hard to avoid the constant comparison with others — which leads us to feel disconnected from and judgmental of ourselves and other people because we believe our value is relative to theirs. If feeling good about ourselves and comfortable in our skin relies on what we are accomplishing, what happens if we get laid off, do poorly on an exam, get dumped, need a break, or simply try something we’re not good at?
Wouldn’t it be glorious to feel love and kindness towards ourselves even when life throws curveballs? Cultivating self-compassion provides us with an avenue for self-worth and internal peace that is always available to us, regardless of what happens in our lives, regardless of our external “success.” It creates space for us to be non-judgmental and accepting of ourselves and others, cultivating connection rather than isolation.
Self-Compassion and Eating Disorder Recovery
I learned a lot about applying self-compassion to eating disorder recovery in an article written by Ann Biasetti, a trained mindful self-compassion teacher and somatic psychotherapist. When someone is suffering from an eating disorder, their self-concept is consumed by self-criticism, judgment, and self-harming behaviors — there is an underlying dislike of themselves, a constant critical voice that the eating disorder takes as its own. Self-compassion practices offer a path out of the darkness and into a space of connection with themselves and others. It also allows them to accept their experience with the eating disorder, even have gratitude for the role it played in their lives, while working to let it go.
In my short amount of time being exposed to the eating disorder field, I have noticed that the clients improving the most in their recovery journeys are the ones who are kindest to themselves — noting the challenges and fallbacks and also acknowledging themselves for the steps they are taking, for the work they are doing. They understand that reaching out for help is a sign of strength, of resilience, rather than weakness for needing help or having had the eating disorder in the first place. It’s meeting yourself where you’re at and taking the steps to take care of yourself.
I recently went through a humbling mental health challenge of my own, and having compassion for myself rather than trying to fix it on my own or fight through the misery, helped me get through to the other side. Accepting that I needed support, that I can’t and shouldn’t “do it all,” is hard, it’s a loss of identity in a way. But once we realize that our suffering is not our fault and also that we are responsible for finding the resources, support, and fortitude to heal, the gateway to a more meaningful and fulfilling life opens up. As my favorite affirmation says, Where my resistance shows up, my power awaits.
According to the creators of Mindful Self Compassion, Kristen Neff and Christopher Germer, self-compassion is the practice of learning to be a good friend to ourselves when we need it most — to be our inner ally instead of our enemy. It’s common in our culture to believe that we will be motivated by a belief that we aren’t enough and a desire to distract or try to prove our worth through perfectionism. Believing there is something about us that is inherently flawed, insufficient, or in need of “fixing” or “perfecting” — clinging to dissatisfaction as a motivator — feels like it might motivate us to work harder, to eat “healthier,” to be more successful.
In fact, perpetuating harsh internal criticism and judgment, holding onto perfectionism and beliefs about our flaws, doesn’t motivate our growth. Just the opposite does. Acceptance doesn’t lead to resignation — rather, it creates room for evolution. As renowned psychologist Carl Rogers so simply put it, “the curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
Mindfulness practices are rooted in the idea that we have innate wisdom, that our authentic self of loving presence is always there and simply awaiting connection and uncovering, that it is our true nature. For most of us, our life experiences and coping mechanisms cover that inner wise, wakeful, loving, accepting presence. With practice, we have the opportunity to reconnect with that innate wisdom, and, in turn, come home to ourselves, open up to our true potential and capacity for connection with ourselves and others, and are able to evolve.
Self-Compassion Practices for Eating Disorder Recovery
In the early stages of recovery from eating disorders, people are in the throes of struggling with self-harming behaviors which reinforce self-loathing. At this stage, a simple embodiment practice is often a good first step to help reconnect with the present and step away from the implicit reality of thought — such as a physical grounding experience or breathing exercise. These can offer a few moments of relief from harsh and critical thoughts and connect with an experience of self-compassion. This practice can and should be used throughout treatment and beyond.
Cori Rosenthal, another mindful self-compassion teacher and licensed marriage and family therapist, offers some specific mindful self-compassion tools for eating disorder recovery. Those who cultivate mindfulness-based self-compassion have lower incidences of anxiety, depression, and emotional avoidance, greater social connection and sense of well-being, and reduced body dissatisfaction. Below are the tools Ms. Rosenthal recommends.
1. Soothing Touch, combined with the Self-Compassion Break: to help make challenging emotions easier to bear while they naturally fade
Soothing Touch: Finding a gesture that feels soothing to them - for example, holding their own hands, crossing their arms and gently rubbing, placing a hand on the heart, rubbing a “worry stone” or running their fingers through their hair.
Self-Compassion break: can be practiced in any order.
Mindfulness: recognizing the uncomfortable experience — emotional, physical, or mental pain. Recognize and validate the experience, using compassion, perhaps even saying it out loud.
Common Humanity: reminding oneself that everyone suffers and that it is our imperfections and difficulties that connect us to each other.
Self-Kindness: Offering kind words to oneself (yin) and actions (yang) such as talking to someone or going on a walk.
2. Develop a relationship with the inner critic and cultivate a compassionate voice
The inner critic: It’s common to see the critical voice as our own voice, but it’s important to externalize it to create some separation between the voice and our own identity. It can be helpful to create a character out of the voice — how does it look and sound? Where does this voice originate? Is it connected to or coming from the voice of someone from our childhood? What purpose might this inner critic be serving?
Cultivating a compassionate voice: How would a compassionate voice respond to the inner critic? How can we send ourselves the opposite message? It might be helpful to think of words that we might use to soothe a dear friend or a child, perhaps even picturing ourselves as a child and offering the comfort the child needs.
3. Soles of the feet
This is one of the embodiment practices mentioned above. The person focuses their attention on the soles of their feet, paying attention to the sensations when the feet are moving and still, and expressing gratitude for everything the feet allow us to do. The soles of the feet are often a neutral area in terms of body image, which is especially important when working with clients recovering from eating disorders. It can be very helpful to connect with a body part that is neutral and not triggering or connected to shame.
It’s important to remember that the aim of these practices is not to eliminate discomfort but to feel supported as we’re experiencing challenging emotions. We all experience a wide range of emotions, and allowing ourselves to feel them and to stay kind and connected while we do will help us live happier and healthier lives.
And if you’re a practitioner reading this, developing your own mindfulness self-compassion practice is key to supporting others in their journey and to improving your own life. Here are some meditations and exercises created by Chris Germer and Kristen Neff that might help get you started.
At BALANCE eating disorder treatment center, our compassionate, highly skilled team of clinicians is trained in diagnosing and treating the spectrum of eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, compulsive overeating, and other disordered eating behaviors and body image issues. We offer a variety of programs and services targeted at helping clients overcome fear foods and develop a healthy relationship with food. We offer nutrition counseling with a licensed dietitian, meal support, a Food & Mood Group, and a variety of other groups and resources to help those seeking help for food concerns.
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This post was written by BALANCE Dietetic Intern, Autumn Rauchwerk.
Autumn is a dietetic intern at Teachers College, Columbia University, where she will complete her MS in Nutrition and Exercise Physiology in May 2021. She is also a Registered Yoga teacher and freelance writer. Autumn is passionate about helping clients develop a relationship with food and their bodies rooted in self-trust and learning to work with their bodies rather than against them. She loves sourdough bread, rock climbing, dancing, and meditation/mindfulness work.
Connect with Autumn: Instagram & autumnrauchwerk.com